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In fact, sexual submissiion is one of the most common fantasies. Just check out these statistics from the Kinsey Institute :.

Clearly, for many people, the fantasy of being ordered around, spanked, and generally coerced to perform sexual acts can seem thrilling.

The question for those who haven't actually done it, however, is where to start. And if you want to be a submissive, what do you really need to know?

Becoming a submissive is not a decision that should be made lightly. Before you decide to take the plunge and put yourself at the mercy of another, educate yourself on all things submission.

First, some excellent books have been written on the subject of submission and dominance, and there are some very valuable online communities that cater to both veterans and novices.

Another way to learn more about what it's like to become a submissive is to attend a "munch. Attending these gatherings is a great way to connect with experienced individuals and learn more about the lifestyle.

Not surprisingly, submissive behavior typically comes very naturally to true submissives. But how can you tell if you're a true submissive? Generally, true submissives have a desire to please a more dominant person and may even be turned on by the thought of being humiliated or overpowered.

But don't think for a second that all submissives bend to everyone's whims in their everyday lives. Some submissives are individuals in truly powerful positions who simply want a release from their responsibilities from time to time.

On the flip side, however, if submitting to another person turns you off, being a submissive probably isn't for you.

Instead, you could look into becoming a dominant or even a switch someone who participates in BDSM as both a dominant and a submissive.

Finally, ask yourself honestly why you want to become a submissive. Is it because you truly enjoy the idea of relinquishing power to a dominant person?

Or is it because your partner wants to dominate you? Never become a submissive if you feel that you're being pressured into it.

There are a few different distinct levels of dominance and submission. Some people, for instance, simply use dominance and submission to add a little spice to their sex lives.

This typically includes fantasy role-playing in the bedroom from time to time, with some light spanking , dirty talk or bondage. Part-time submissives find that the submissive lifestyle is a much more important part of their lives.

A safe word is something either partner can use to signal when a mental, physical, or emotional boundary is approaching or has been crossed. Because every scene should be negotiated ahead of time, you can update and revisit your lists every time you play.

Yes, this is vulnerable, but in order for your partner to understand what you want to try, you need to tell them!

What is it exactly about this fantasy that turns you on? Is it that you want to feel powerless? The answers to these questions will give you clues on other ways you and your partner may invoke the fantasy, without either of you having to step outside your comfort zone.

Are they nervous about possible gender dysphoria when wearing a strap-on? Does it invoke triggering memories of a past experience? Do they have concerns around anal play, generally speaking?

Is your partner not wanting to try your fantasy a dealbreaker for you? Well, you have your answer. Otherwise, try to find a middle ground.

Well, the same goes for submissives and Dominants. Not every Dominant is a Dominant you want to get down with! According to Paige, before you and your partner start a scene, you should establish or talk about the following:.

While most people begin exploring BDSM through hopefully pleasurable pain, Jean calls out that there are other ways to explore new sensations.

Aftercare — sometimes called pillow talk , postgame analysis, post-sex play, or cuddles — refers to the time after sex or a scene when everyone involved takes care of, or expresses appreciation for, each other.

It might involve cuddling or a really long hug. Once more for the people in the back! All play should be safe, sane, mostly sober, and consensual.

Because things like rope bondage, knife play , impact play, and more can break skin, cause bruising, or result in rope burn, you should have a first aid kit nearby just in case.

At just under 3, words, this article is far from being comprehensive. Luckily, there are lots of book-length guides including:.

In her free time, she can be found reading self-help books and romance novels, bench-pressing, or pole dancing.

She assures she's "very rarely heard of someone getting hurt beyond what was agreed upon," but you still have your partner to think about. Taking your time helps ensure that you don't cross their boundaries, either—because once you do, they might not want to give BDSM another go.

This conversation, typically called "aftercare," is a chance to debrief by asking your partner about what they enjoyed most and what they were thinking when you, say, lightly spanked them.

The verbal intimacy and vulnerability expressed after the BDSM experience will strengthen the bond you have with your partner.

And that's a whole other type of bondage worth getting behind. Weight Loss. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Vegan In-N-Out Burgers.

ADragan Getty Images. Educate yourself. But to get a better grasp on what each of three categories mean, here's a quick primer, from Richmond: Bondage and discipline: Bondage is a form of sex play that focuses on restraint.

Having another person control your pleasure is central here, and it can involve props such as handcuffs, ropes, blindfolds, or a range of restraints.

Discipline is almost always present in the relationship between a dominant partner and a submissive one. Dominance and submission: This d escribes the practice of giving power or control submission to another who then takes it dominance.

For some, the roles are full-time including outside the bedroom , while for others, the roles are only taken on at predetermined times of erotic encounter.

Sadism and masochism: The acts of sadism and masochism are performed by people who derive pleasure from pain. The sadist enjoys inflicting pain on someone else, while the masochist enjoys receiving pain.

Remember: This is pleasurable and one of the safest forms of sex because of the significant amount of work put into boundary-setting and open communication.

Most people who engage in sadism or masochism enjoy a sense of empowerment from enduring something difficult. Talk it out.

You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Related Story.

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